A Conflict Doesn't Have to Be a Fight

Photo: Horia Varlan

Conflict is a very interesting topic amongst communications. How to deal with conflict, why is there a conflict, why are people upset by said conflict, who benefits from the conflict? I took the basic communications 101 course in college like many other college grads and students have. During that course we obviously discussed conflict. Businesses have conflict just like any other relationship in your life does. They often seek third party assistance if they are unable to deal with conflict on their own or it escalates beyond their ability to resolve. In couples or family counseling a person would most likely be working out conflict with their therapist to guide the discussion in a positive helpful way.


Let's face it, most of us don't like conflict. Conflict doesn't have to be a big fight between you and your mom or husband either. Conflict can be something small, like disagreeing opinions about what restaurant to go to for dinner. Among the different personality assessments that are available, there is one that we took in this course that I really liked. It separated people into five different categories; turtle, teddy bear, shark, fox, and owl. Now, before you interject some opposition about people not being all one type, let me tell you that not everyone is going to fit strictly within one category mold. This is the extreme of each type and most people will fall between types leaning towards one or another. Some people may even react in some situations as one type and in others another type. The same holds true with most of these kinds of assessments are they are not meant to be a psychiatric diagnosis of any sort.

First, let's talk about the teddy bear. The teddy bear is sweet and lovable. The teddy bear gets squeezed and thrown around. Everyone likes the teddy bear because they just want everyone to get along. The teddy bear would rather take the blame and have the conflict resolved so we can go back to cuddling.

Next is the shark. The shark is very brave and willing to handle confrontation with no problems. The shark is willing to call it out in the open when others are afraid to say anything. The shark can be the one to stand up and fight for what's right and rally the cause, but can also take every cause as something to fight for, even if it's something as simple as the choice for dinner.  The shark is very competitive and not always concerned with people's emotions when involved in conflict.

Third is the turtle. I love turtles, they are so cute and vulnerable really. If it wasn't for that hard shell they can hide in, they'd have nothing to protect them. I had a turtle that was kept in a kiddie pool in our living room with rocks and sand. I didn't do much with the turtle. I tried to pet his head a few times and he would suck everything inside his shell lickety split! I'm sure you've guessed that people who are turtles like to avoid conflict. They will minimize conflict and hide from it as much as possible.

Fourth is the Fox. The fox is an animal known for being sly and clever. That holds true for this conflict style. A person that is a fox is going to try to find a win-win or a lose-lose situation. A win-lose is not acceptable. They are excellent negotiators because of their skill, however they can also leave people feeling betrayed or tricked by their foxy ways.

The final conflict style is the owl. The wise owl is the trustworthy seeker of peace. The owl is patient and nurturing. The owl will take the time to hear all details and work out a reasonable win-win situation. The owls are amazing communicators and you really want one on your side. If you have a need for a quick resolution with an owl, don't hold your breath. Don't even try to trick the owl and just agree with them to end the conflict either. They will know you are lying and will want to work it out with you until you both are satisfied with the outcome.

I am an owl, so I can give you first hand experience that this can be a great thing and a curse. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to talk things out only to find that I'm annoying the other party. I'm sure we've all experienced these different styles at one time or another. Each of these styles works and doesn't work for their own reasons. Think about what style you think you are and why. Think about what you can learn from the other animals and how you can put it to practice in your life.

Credits: I can't tell you where the original testing and analysis came from for these five styles. I tried to search online and came up with many different outcomes, but no original source. As I stated, I learned this in a college communications 101 course and none of these concepts are my own original ideas, just my translation of it.